Hillary on Truth Serum

"Clinton told (AIPAC) that provocative Israeli land policies in areas claimed by the Palestinians are not in Israel's long-term interests."
Associated Press, March 23, 2010

During the heyday of the Soviet Union, KGB agents would close-in on an enemy of the regime on a busy street and use an umbrella point (or the like) to inject poison into the victim. Imagine for a moment that an equally unscrupulous person today could obtain a powerful truth serum and inject it into an important public figure, making it impossible for the victim to lie for hours. For example, if this had been done to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton just before her AIPAC speech, would the speech have been any different?

I surmise that the speech would have more like this: (edited to preserve the Glazerbeam's G-rating)

" I am supposed to say that I'm so pleased to be here today, but the truth is that I would rather be undergoing a colonoscopy with a rusty roto-rooter right now. That is because you all hate what the President, Vice President and I have been saying these past few days about Israeli plans to build Jewish housing in East Jerusalem.

Now you know and I know that the more Jews live in an area, the less likely that area is to wind-up in a Palestinian state. So, the more solidly- Jewish a neighborhood in any part of Jerusalem is, the more absurd it becomes to pretend that Israel will ever cede it to Arab rule. Now, some say that President Obama is deeply concerned about building homes for Jews in East Jerusalem; the fact is that he doesn't give a rat's (rectum) if the Israelis put up a (expletive deleted)ing Trump Tower there, and neither do I!

The reason that we are blowing a (expletive deleted)ing ton of political capital on this (urine)ant issue is that while Israeli interests are measured in meters, America's interests are measured in continents. We are fighting Al Qaeda, the Taliban and the like in three Muslim countries right now: Iraq, Afghanistan and Pakistan. Without Muslim support, we can't win. And all Muslims hate Israel, more or less. Osama bin Laden and other jihadists never miss a chance to link the United States with Israel, and they are smart to do that! If we go along with every (expletive deleted)ing thing that Israel does, we play into that. That is why George W Bush was so ineffective in the Muslim world, and why Barack Obama had to give that speech in Cairo to show that he would be more attuned to Muslim and Arab interests.

So, we have to show the world that there is daylight between the US and Israel, especially on Jerusalem, a real flashpoint for devout Muslims. We have to do it out loud and in public to have any impact. Of course, we know that the Israeli government won't like it, but what are they going to do: give back the $3 billion?

If the President really wanted to make Israel knuckle-under, he would recall our ambassador from Tel Aviv. If that didn't get Netanyahu's attention, he would suspend military co-operation. And if that didn't work, he could impound the whole (expletive-deleted)ing three billion! And that probably would work!
J Street would be ecstatic! So, why doesn't he do it? He knows that Bill got impeached for (expletive deleted)ing just one Jew, and he ain't going to find out what the pay-back would be for doing that to a whole (expletive deleted)ing country of 'em!

So, Barack and I are caught between (urinating)-off the Jews of America and (urinating)-off the whole Muslim world. That's why we talk tough to Israel, but don't really do anything to make Israel listen. Even so, we know we are killing Democrats in New York; a Republican will probably take my old senate seat, and Democratic congressmen in Jewish areas are likely to go down in flames too. If it costs his own re-election bid in 2012, tough (manure)!

So why antagonize the Israel Lobby? Because Barack puts the geopolitical interests of the United States of America above the domestic political interests of the Democratic Party! Yes, its (expletive deleted)ing patriotism! The next edition of Profiles in Courage will have a chapter on Barack Obama!

I hope you appreciate being told the truth for a change, but if you don"t , you can kiss my (donkey)! Happy Passover, anyway.

All Eyes on Wisconsin!

Wisconsin voters will have a crucial voice in the selection of the nominees for President this Tuesday, February 19. Let's make it count!

Democrats: Obama More Impressive
Barack Obama, raised in a broken home, made his own way to Harvard Law School, the Illinois State Senate, and the US Senate. His charisma on the campaign trail rivals that of John Kennedy and Bill Clinton.
While Obama got where he is in spite of his last name (1), Hillary Clinton got where she is because of hers. (2) The daughter of a privileged two-parent family, her ticket to political prominence was marriage to a young man who would (with her considerable help) become Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States. The Democratic nomination for US Senator was virtually handed to her by retiring Senator Daniel P Moynihan of New York, where she had never previously lived.
Fearless Forecast: Obama will sweep the 1st, 2nd and 4th congressional districts and garner about half the vote in the other five, giving him Wisconsin and probably the nomination. If nominated, he may appeal to both women and Jewish voters by choosing Senator Diane Feinstein (3) of California as his running-mate.

Republicans: McCain an Easy Choice
As noted in our January 8 Glazerbeam, John McCain is the most qualified candidate of either party to lead America in the age of Islamic terrorism. His plan to establish permanent American military bases in Iraq is likely the best hope of maintaining stability in the Middle East, especially in view of Iranian ambitions. He has shown remarkable willingness to work with Democrats, who will probably dominate the Congress.
Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee has surprised most pundits by outlasting better known and better funded Republicans, such as Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson and Mitt Romney. Yet Huckabee is a deeply flawed candidate for two reasons: his zeal to Christianize America and his hare-brained scheme to replace the income tax with a sales tax. (4)
Texas Representative Ron Paul is still in contention, like the cartoon Road Runner who runs off a cliff and doesn't fall until he looks down. His outlandish views have been thoroughly repudiated in every primary and caucus so far, but he seems to have a hard core of 5-10% of Republican voters sticking with him.
Fearless Forecast: McCain will trounce Huckabee in Wisconsin and go on to win the nomination. Mitt Romney would be a logical choice for Vice President.
Ron Paul will probably run for President on the Libertarian (or other third-party) ticket, emphasizing opposition to illegal immigration. If he does so, he will draw enough votes away from McCain to sink the Republicans. Ross Perot sank the first President Bush this way in 1992, and Ralph Nader did the same to Al Gore in 2000. Third parties don't win, but they do count.
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(1) Obama doen't even use his middle-name, Hussein, perhaps because it reminds people of Sadam.

(2)Even her husband was not born with the name "Clinton". Born William Jefferson Blythe (after his deceased father), he took on the surname of his step-father Roger Clinton.

(3) Senator Feinstein converted to Conservative Judaism when she got married. She considers herself Jewish, but orthodox Jews would not.

(4) See the December 17, 2007, Glazerbeam entitled "New Tax, Anyone?"