Friday, June 05, 2009

Hamas to Save Settlements

"Obama called Israel's settlements in the...West Bank illegitimate and said they must stop......he also said that Hamas must put an end to violence, recognize past agreements and recognize Israel's right to exist."
Reports of President Barack Obama's speech in Cairo, June 4, 2009

If Obama could get his way, Israeli soldiers would be dragging thousands of Jews out of their homes in the West Bank before long. But thanks to the Islamic Resistance Movement (Hamas), that will not happen, nor will there be a State of Palestine.

Like a visiting imam (Muslim preacher), the President quoted selected verses from the Quran that bolster his contention that Islam is a religion of peace, a view previously expressed by then President George W Bush. However, the leaders of Hamas, who not only quote the Quran but actually live it, apparently hear a different imam. In their understanding of Islam, the presence of a Jewish state of any size whatsoever on consecrated Muslim land (the Arabian Penninsula, at the very least) is an intolerable affront to Islam, and it is the duty of all Muslims to eliminate it.

Obama may consider men like Netanyahu and Lieberman to be intransigent, but next to Hamasniks they are pussycats! Despite the President's oratorical skills and popularity in the Muslim world, Hamas is not likely to change its raison d'etre any time soon.

Hamas does not want a peace deal with Israel, and I doubt that Palestinian President Abbas has the moxie to make one without their consent. Even if the Obama Administration prods Israel into making an offer as sweet from the Arab perspective as that presented by Ehud Barak in 2000, Abbas will reject it. The result: more years of settlements, occupation, check-points and conflict.

Meanwhile, Obama is pressuring Israel into halting expansion of existing settlements. But how much of his considerable political capital will the President expend on this? Even though many Israelis agree with Obama on this point, the kind of coercive measures that would be required to make Israel comply would trigger a backlash in Congress. I do not believe that Obama wants another AWACS-type of fight (1) over such a minor issue. More likely, there will be a face-saving compromise along these lines: adding rooms to existing buildings will be OK, but not building new ones. Does peace in the Middle East really turn on such piddling points? Maybe!

Hamas rules over about 1.4 million people in a land about the size of Milwaukee County, a mere one percent of British Palestine (2). Although Hamas has plenty of rockets, it is an insignificant military force, even by Middle East standards. (3) Yet, this fanatic group has an effective veto over the efforts of the world's only remaining superpower to settle the Arab-Israeli conflict. So, every night the settlers should thank God and thank Hamas that they can stay where they are.
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(1) President Ronald Reagan barely won a battle in the Senate to sell advanced surveillance aircraft known as AWACS to Saudi Arabia in 1983.

(2) Based on 1922-1948 borders.

(3) In a month of fighting in Gaza (Dec. 2008-Jan. 2009) Hamas killed a handful of Israeli soldiers, while losing nearly a thousand of their own troops.

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Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Invitation from Great Satan

"The Obama Administration has invited Iranian officials to Independence Day parties on July 4."
Associated Press, June 3, 2009

In the spirit of public service, the Glazerbeam has prepared an invitation text that the State Department is welcome to use for this purpose:

As the Secretary of State of the nation your leaders have nicknamed "The Great Satan", it is my honor and pleasure to invite you to our Independence Day celebration at our embassy on July 4. We will be celebrating our American values such as freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and equality under law, which of course the Islamic Republic shares.

We would invite you to our embassy in Tehran, but it has been closed since your fellow citizens seized it in November of 1979 and held our diplomatic staff hostage for about 444 days. Since it has been nearly thirty years since Iranians have visited an American embassy, I want to inform you about some new policies designed to make your visit more safe and enjoyable:

1. Use the front gate; it will not be necessary to climb over the wall this time.

2. Since we are not planning to play Blind Man's Bluff or Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey, leave the blindfolds at home.

3. We will provide the fireworks, do not bring your own. All parcels, robes and turbans are subject to search, so don't even dream of sneaking a small qasam, katyushka or shahab into the grounds to augment our skyrockets.

4. Since the embassy is American territory, absolutely no beheadings will be permitted on embassy property. Leave your scimitars at home.

5. In accordance with diplomatic protocol, chanting of "Margh bar Carter" (1) or "Margh bar Obama" will not be permitted during the ceremonies. "Margh bar Cheney" is OK.

We all look forward to seeing you on the Fourth. Drive carefully.

Love and Kisses,
/s/ Hillary

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(1) Farsi for "Death to Carter".

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