A 3-Cornered Purim Treat

In honor of Purim, the Glazerbeam offers three examples of Jewish humor, one for each corner of Haman's famous hat.

The themes of Jewish humor are often aspects of the Jewish experience in the Diaspora. The themes of these stories are chasing status, self-respect, and game theory, respectively.

1. The Captain
When Yankel got rich quick, the first thing he did was to buy a luxurious yacht. Then, decked-out in a spiffy sea-captain's uniform, he took his aging parents for a cruise.
"Nu, Mama," Yankel inquired," am I a captain or what?"
"By me, Yankel," she answered, " you're a captain. And by your father, you're also a captain.
But by a captain, you ain't no captain!"

2. The Outlaw
The peddler Feivel was enjoying a schnapps at a crowded Wild West bar when an outlaw busted in, two guns blazing.
"I want every lily-livered sapsucker to get the hell out of this bar right now!"he ordered, firing pot-shots at the ceiling.
Some men bolted out the back door while others dove out the windows, but Feivel calmly finished his drink.
"Ooooh-ah!" he exclaimed to the gunman, "der sure vas a lot of 'em!"

3. Three-Person Game Theory
A policeman was tipped-off that an illegal poker game was going on in the backroom of a local store. He burst into the room and found a priest, a minister and a rabbi playing cards with money on the table. The priest and minister immediately dropped their cards on the table, but the rabbi held his hand.
"Father!" the cop exclaimed to the priest, " how can you be gambling?"
"Oh no, son," the priest replied, "I was not gambling."
"And reverend," the policeman said turning to the Protestant clergyman, "you of all people, gambling!"
"No, officer," the minister answered, " I was not gambling."
Then turning to the rabbi the lawman said, "Now, rabbi, the cards are right in your hand! Are you going to tell me that you weren't gambling?"
"Vis who vas I gambling?" the rabbi asked.

Happy Purim!